Anger. Anger and frustration. Anger, frustration and self pity. Anger, frustration, self pity and alcohol. Anger, frustration self pity, alcohol and a woman. There was always a woman.
I'm trying to describe how it feels to have a manic episode, trying to define and comment on the thought processes. So bare with me it's difficult attempting to portray madness when your sane.
Sometimes you just want to get away, to escape your life, flee the situation you're in, go on holiday if you like. Forget your responsibilities and go away.
You know how it is when you wake up slowly first your ears seem to fade up any background sounds and even before your eyes open you become aware of your self. Well imagine that happening on a daily basis but when you're awake. As the mania progresses things become more real, more obvious and more simple. You believe in your ability to do things better and faster than anybody else. You have an answer for everything and a flagrant disregard for the mundane and the practical. You grow tired of the lack of respect people give you. Then you feel you want out, escape and sod the cost. You drink more and smoke more. You can't concerntrate on one thing and are constantly writing notes so you won't forget your so called flashes of genius.
One theory goes that you have triggers, life events that combine over the years, that build up and burst into your reality. Everybody wants to classify to pigeon hole these things and I have my own theory too. It's to do with love.
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