3. Movies

I sort of know how TV and  films are made, I've worked in the industry. It is artifice personified, smoke and mirrors are every thing.

Imagine that you aware you are part of a complex fake docu/drama. You know you are being filmed but you have no direct interaction with the makers. The crew can monitor you every movement through a combination of GPS technology, mobile phone tracking and satellite imagery. Your mission is to create the image, the illusion, of tele-transportation while they use a combination of time lapse and speeded up footage. You use the  seemingly meaningless android type actions combined with hitchhiking and bus journeys to go from one place to another seemingly effortlessly and in the blink of an eye.

Then you see it as some sort of obligation to avoid detection you throw your mobile away, you throw your cash card away, well you never know what those chips can do. You remove your shoes and belt because, lets face it they could have hidden that GPS tracker. Each step seems logical and leads to the next. You descend in this spiral until you're naked, masturbating in a police cell awaiting to be taken to a secure hospital.

2. Decisions, Decisions

What do you really want and how do you get it? If it finds you what do you do with it, how do know how to handle it? Is everything black and white, yes or no. Possibly.

Do I love her? What is Love?

We tend to think of ourselves as a kind of rational beings, as being in control of our decision making or at least understanding the thought processes involved. But what if some things are beyond our control to determine, not the things other people or organizations do, but things you feel.

You do not decide to fall in love, equally you may not know you're in love. Perhaps some chemical switch is turned and there you are, whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not. Perhaps this switch can be cross wired if you like, yes you've fallen in/out of love but it also seems like a good idea to hitch hike to Shrewsbury at three o'clock in the morning. Perhaps a cascade of these crossed wires causes multiple switches to change state in a random pattern so you actually believe your in some sort of live action movie. Perhaps that's just me, going off on one.

1. Get Away

Anger. Anger and frustration. Anger, frustration and self pity. Anger, frustration, self pity and alcohol. Anger, frustration self pity, alcohol and a woman. There was always a woman.

I'm trying to describe how it feels to have a manic episode, trying to define and comment on the thought processes. So bare with me it's difficult attempting to portray madness when your sane.

Sometimes you just want to get away, to escape your life, flee the situation you're in, go on holiday if you like. Forget your responsibilities and go away.

You know how it is when you wake up slowly first your ears seem to fade up any background sounds and even before your eyes open you become aware of your self. Well imagine that happening on a daily basis but when you're awake. As the mania progresses things become more real, more obvious and more simple. You believe in your ability to do things better and faster than anybody else. You have an answer for everything and a flagrant disregard for the mundane and the practical. You grow tired of the lack of respect people give you. Then you feel you want out, escape and sod the cost. You drink more and smoke more. You can't concerntrate on one thing and are constantly writing notes so you won't forget your so called flashes of genius.

One theory goes that you have triggers, life events that combine over the years, that build up and burst into your reality. Everybody wants to classify to pigeon hole these things and I have my own theory too. It's to do with love.